I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The air was thick with penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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