I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
