I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
