My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
