I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
