Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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