dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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