yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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