Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
