if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
