Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just google imaged poop.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
