Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
