Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
