I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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