Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
