you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
