So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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