Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can't special order awesome
handjob tips. give me some.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
