You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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