Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fuck appropriateness.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How naked do you want me to be?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
