yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
