If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
