Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
