i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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