You just made me feel so damn special
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
