i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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