If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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