Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
