I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We were destined to go to rehab together
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
