So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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