right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Green mimosas i think yes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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