Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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