dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
