This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
