blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
