I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
