Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
