I wish I could teleport
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
