party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
