We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
