I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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