The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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