how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
