Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
