I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
