It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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