I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
