I accidentally burped into my bong.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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