oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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