I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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