Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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