Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
