do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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