I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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