i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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