he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize