Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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