Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
