I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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