she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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