id be glad to
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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