i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
