I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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