Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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