i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
