last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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